Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Chat Up Lines and Body Language

"It ain't what you say it's the way that you say it" goes the saying and when it comes to chat up lines this holds true. Albert Mehrabian, an early pioneer of body language research in the 1950's, found that the total impact of a message is about 7% verbal (words only), 38% vocal (including tone of voice, inflection, and other sounds) and 55% nonverbal. So the chances are that she has already made up her mind about you before you have uttered a single word.

The key things that women find attractive in men are confidence and status, and these are things that you communicate through your body language and dress. If you come across as a confident, high status male (an alpha-male) you can use the corniest of chat up lines and it will still work! As one dating guru put it "If you believe it will work it will!"

The trouble is that most of us are pretty terrified when we approach a beautiful woman and we subconsciously communicate this through our body language. Do you immediately look away when an attractive woman looks at you? Do you wait by the side and watch for ten minutes before approaching? Do you look nervous when approaching instead of smiling? Do you try to pretend you are not watching? If you do any of these, then you are just like the majority of men and you are communicating a lack of confidence long before you walk up to her and deliver your perfectly practiced chat up line.

So don't just practice your chat up line, practice your body language too. Some tips:
  1. Have your chat up lines ready before you enter
  2. Approach straight away (use the 3-second rule)
  3. Smile
  4. Maintain eye contact
  5. Keep your hands out of your pockets
  6. Keep your shoulders back, chest out and head up
  7. Move deliberately slowly (nervous people tend to move quickly and fidget)
  8. Use broad confident gestures
  9. Lean back (it's tempting to lean in to be heard better, but don't do this)
  10. Speak loudly and clearly and deliver that chat up line with confidence!
Even if you are not confident, with a little practice you can emulate it quite successfully. Practice, practice, practice. Note the 3-second rule ... if you don't approach within 3-seconds of seeing someone, then it suddenly becomes ten times harder to approach.

Another good tip is to big yourself up before you enter a room. Give yourself your own little confidence boost. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful, desirable man. Tell yourself that any woman would be lucky to have the pleasure of your company. You are after all a God among men!

The great thing is that this is a virtuous circle ... the more confident you are, the better your chances of successfully chatting up a woman, and the more successful you are at chatting up women, the more confident you will become.

One last tip from a long time expert, the fear of the approach never goes away. Just remember that the naturals you watch are just as scared as you are when they approach a woman, they just do a much better job of hiding it.


Ross Logan www.attractthehottestgirls.com said...

Great info on this blog! Especially on chat up lines...

I have some tips on 1st dates...

My advise would be...

1) Be organised. Men should choose the venue. A bar would be the preferred choice (not a club or working mans pub)
2)Always call her within 3 days - anyone who tells you otherwise has no clue
3) Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. (have a plan b if the first venue is closed, too busy, too load etc)
4)Don't buy her a gift, flowers etc. You'll look desperate and make her feel awkward
5) Don't overdress. Jeans, shirt, shoes if its an evening date
6) Don't turn up late. Girls hate waiting! They feel very awkward having to wait for a guy. There is no equality in this. Thats just the rules. (Don't complain...we can stand up and pee)
7) Don't get drunk. You are too cool for that!
8) Pay
9) Don't make a move too quickly.
10) learn some body language techniques

Good luck

Ross, Mia and Grace

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